Now I probably would not have reviewed this book (perhaps barely on topic for Caring for the Soul), had I not heard hysterical howls of mirth emanating from the side of the couch where Joyce curls up with her favorite books and pots of Earl Grey tea.

(Even while reading the comics and laughing herself senselessly, Joyce has just told me that I am a chauvinist by definition merely by suggesting that she--just because she is female--would naturally read such magazines. See, I am already blown to smithereens.)

But wait! Martinet says that the original comics, which began in 1947 and lasted through the mid 70s, (when the genre was mercifully killed off) were in fact written by men! She claims that this explains the “sexist sensibilities,” and why all the women have perfect bodies, the men are never bald and always taller than the women.

In Truer Than True Romance Martinet rewrites ten episodes of the old True Romances. The drawings are from the original classic comics, but written from the point of view of a modern, early 21st century woman. You know you are in for a satiric tornado when you peruse the front cover. A handsome young couple embraces with the woman looking up love struck into the man’s eyes. Yes, she is blond and blue-eyed and he is. . .what else. . .tall, dark and handsome with that fabled “blue-black” hair of comic book fame.

In the word balloon, the guy is saying to the girl, “Wow, you really are clingy and filled with self-loathing. No wonder I find you so attractive!”

Perhaps because I do not have a great deal of hair on top, I particularly liked “I Hate My Hair,” an episode originally called “Stolen Dreams.” This is the story of a hairdo gone bad enough to turn not only the poor girl’s day but most of her young life into a bad hair day. She simply wants that fabled "different look" and winds up looking like Sinead O’Connor while falling for a guy that she is convinced hates short hair.

In another episode that I thought was quite clever, a young woman, who usually winds up hurt from dating married men, finds herself dating the shrink from hell, as she lives though “My Heart Said Yes, But My Therapist Said No.”

I do not want to give too much of the book away. Here is a sampling of some episodes:

The old comics carried columns full of advice for the lovelorn also. Martinet does not miss a trick here either, and we read such columnists as “Ask Dr. Mary, Licensed Therapist” or “Dee Pressen, Love Counselor.” You cannot fool these pundits; they know what is going on and are ready to rescue the innocent from the wages of sin or at the very least lay a really good guilt trip on the unassuming.

There is even a modern columnist for “The Male Point of View.” "Hank Hanson" (a self-proclaimed hunk) advises women that want to "get over" with men to "dress like you love them, but act like you hate them. . .So show your cleavage and your claws, kitten.” Well, I suppose a bonafide "hunkarama" would know. . .

One of my favorite inclusions is the “test” Martinet includes. “A Test of True Love” tries to help lonely women to recognize their true love, but it is probably decidedly more tongue-in-cheek than the original. Here’s a sample from the True/False Quiz:

True/False - [You Will know he is your one, true love if]some of his hair is blue.
Answer: True. If he has dark hair, and he probably does if he is your true love, you will notice a distinctive, royal blue sheen on parts of his head.

Anyway, I felt that I would be remiss as a columnist if I did not recommend this screamingly funny satire of American pop culture. After all, in caring for the soul, one must always stand vigilant and strong against the wages of cultural mythology and stereotypical thinking.

Hmmm. . .I dunno. . .You think the chicks would really go for that blue-black hair, a narcissistic, "god's-gift-to-women" attitude, and perhaps a withering sneer?

Truer Than True Romance was published in 2001 and is available at bookstores everywhere. More information is available from the publisher, Watson-Guptill Publications.

Copyright 2002, Thomas James Martin, all rights reserved.